Communication breakdowns are bound to occur even in the healthiest of relationships. Communication breakdowns about finances, however, may be the greatest sticking point of them all.
A recent study from SunTrust reported that 35% of those who indicated they have relationship stress listed finances as the topmost cause.
Ironically, when it comes to financial conflicts in relationships, communication can be both the cause and the solution to the issue. Here are a few tips to help turn finances from a sticky topic to a positive discussion.
- MAKE MONEY MANAGEMENT A SHARED RESPONSIBILITY
With finances, many couples attempt to avoid communication breakdowns by delegating all money management responsibilities to one person in the partnership. In the short term, this can feel like the easiest way to avoid conflict and communication problems. In the long term, though, this approach can lead to significant drawbacks.
Think about the amount of knowledge and logistics required to manage finances for just one person, much less for a family. In and of themselves, financial products and strategies can be very complex. Now throw online bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, mortgage payments and all of the other bills into the mix. The more factors at play, the more difficult it becomes to keep track of everything.
Let’s even suppose the partner “in charge” of the finances can effectively manage this huge responsibility solo. What happens in the unfortunate event that this partner becomes incapacitated or, even worse, is gone? Though heart-wrenching to imagine, these scenarios must be considered. If the unthinkable occurs, the last thing you will want to do is deal with money issues; but, if you aren’t listed on and familiar with each account, accessing funds and information can be challenging.
“While it certainly makes sense for the more financially-savvy partner to take the lead on the money, remember that financial management in a relationship is a shared responsibility.”
While it certainly makes sense for the more financially-savvy partner to take the lead on the money, remember that financial management in a relationship is a shared responsibility. At least periodically, the “money person” in the relationship needs to make sure that their partner understands the family’s current financial situation, is listed as an account holder and understands the purpose of each account, knows who to contact in case of emergency and has the login information and security codes necessary to access all funds. At minimum, the other partner must commit to learning about the finances from the “money person” at least four times per year.
2. TURN FINANCIAL CONVERSATIONS INTO AN EVENT
For the “money person”, keeping their partner up to date on finances is easier said than done. The other partner may not be interested in finances, and let’s face it, life is busy. When sticking to a time to talk finances proves difficult, consider getting creative about how you frame the discussion.
First, try scheduling the meeting well in advance so it’s booked on both your calendars.
Secondly, explore ways to make it fun! Consider making your conversation a small part of a “date night”, or plan to reward yourselves after the talk with a treat – a nice brunch, an ice cream cone – whatever resonates most for both of you.
Find something that works for your relationship. If you can have an in-depth conversation once per quarter, you will thank each other for it down the road.
3. CHOOSE A BUDGETING APPROACH THAT WORKS FOR BOTH OF YOU
Differences in spending habits can make it very difficult for a couple to balance their checkbook. Two people could be compatible in every other category, but still represent both ends of the spectrum in terms of money management. Given that a balanced budget is the bedrock of healthy financial management, it’s crucial to find a budgeting style that both parties can agree upon.
Today, couples have a wide array of tools, resources and online platforms to help approach budgeting. Mint.com, for example, offers a free and secure service that aggregates all of the user’s financial accounts into one platform and allows users to set and track budgets and spending over time. Take some time to research the options available and choose one that fits your life together.
Ultimately, when it comes to improving financial communication, it all comes down to what makes sense for your relationship. Find common ground: agree on a few basics of how you will discuss and manage your shared finances. At the most foundational level, just regularly communicating with each other about finances is a step in the right direction.
